too bright too see. too loud to hear.

I'm doing this thing where I name blog posts after songs and link to them. click the pic.

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I once fell in love with a fictional character named Charity. She lived in a town called Affabel and strove to one day live in the town of her beloved king, Jailyn. Jailyn was a benevolent and good king who wrote a book of precepts and stories on how to govern life and self. Charity loved this book and the king with her whole heart and strove to keep all the commands in it and even spent long hours studying the book and asking the scribes many questions.

Other followers of Jailyn often mocked her and thought that her "love" was a little too much and that she should ease up a bit. Some even mocked the idea of a city somewhere with a king. Though such alienation hurt her, she still clung to her love for the king. When she became an adult, she funneled her love of cooking into opening a restaurant. Though she was very talented and gave much of her food and profits away, she received no recognition from the news or neighbors. She did not much notice though, far too busy with the concerns of those in need and the commands of Jailyn.

A time did eventually come for a judgment of the inhabitants of Affabel where they did stand before Jailyn and their lives shot through crystal so that their whole lives played before his kingdom. Though she had much to be ashamed of, she had far greater to be praised of. Indeed, she received far greater honor than she ever thought she should deserve. She did not intend to live in the palace courts. It would have been enough to be in the city.

A few things about this story.
1. She was mocked by other followers for having too much devotion.
2. The others, those whom I would certainly see as good followers, just barely enter.
3. She was consumed by love.

Fear has played a major role in what I do because every since I first read this story, I've constantly striven to be a Christian like that. But what would people say? What if they find out I actually don't watch TV or that I spend hours pour over the teachings of the church fathers and the scriptures? What if I'm just some goody two-shoes who likes to do charitable deeds? It could go on.

For the first time though, I'm either estranged from or far from friends, from influence, and the consumption of love is slowly making its way through. Peter says that such things make us strangers in a foreign land.

And it's hard. It's very difficult to let go pleasures and comforts and lies. More so, the Christian life is not this romanticized, pie in the sky life. Jesus said (among many things) 3 things about this life. The path is narrow. The road is difficult. Few even find it. Many of religion. But few walk the path religion leads to.

What's this blog post about? Not sure. But I want to encourage anyone who might read to not be ashamed for loving God or your religion and putting more effort and care into something people only do on Sundays. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I think these words from an anonymous pastor say it better:

If God has called you to be really like Jesus He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility,

and put upon you such demands of obedience, that you will not be able to follow other people, or

measure yourself by other Christians, and in many ways He will seem to let other people do things

which He will not let you do. Other Christians and ministers who seem very religious and useful, may

push themselves, pull wires, and work schemes to carry out their plans, but you cannot do it, and if 

you attempt it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make you sorely penitent.

Others may boast of themselves, of their work, of their successes, of their writings, but the Holy Spirit

will not allow you to do any such thing, and if you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification

that will make you despise yourself and all your good works. Others may be allowed to succeed in making

money, or may have a legacy left to them, but it is likely God will keep you poor, because He wants you to

have something far better than gold, namely, a helpless dependence upon Him, that He may have the

privilege of supplying your needs day by day out of an unseen treasury. The Lord may let others be honored

and put forward, and keep you hidden in obscurity, because He wants to produce some choice fragrant fruit

for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade. He may let others be great, but keep you small.

He may let others do a work for Him and get the credit for it, but He will make you work and toil on without

knowing how much you are doing; and then to make your work still more precious He may let others get credit

for the work which you have done, and thus make your reward ten times greater when he comes. The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you, with a jealous love, and will rebuke you for little word

and feelings or for wasting your time, which other Christians never feel distressed over. So make up your mind

that God is an Infinitely Sovereign Being, and has a right to do as He pleases with His own. He may not explain

to you a thousand things which puzzle your reason in His dealings with you, but if you absolutely sell yourself to

be His love slave, He will wrap you up in Jealous Love, and bestow upon you many blessings which come only

to those who are in the inner circle. Settle it forever, then that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue or chaining your hand, or closing your

eyes, in ways that He does not seem to use with others. Now, when you are so possessed with the living God

that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, and then you will

have found the vestibule of Heaven.