Vocation

 

 

Photo by Sir Manuel on Unsplash

I had a conversation recently with a priest's wife who also holds a PhD in Biblical studies about how our vocations are not the same thing as our careers. Marriage (and motherhood) is a calling that, as members of the Church, we would say is from God. Her comment echoed what I'd been feeling deeply for some time now: I am/have been called to the married life and hopefully motherhood, God willing. 

I felt a strong pull towards marriage and family life from an early age. I was playing house with my younger brother and various toys standing in for children as far back as I can remember. My kindergarten "boyfriend" and I "got married" and established a household in our classroom and on the playground. Sometimes this "household" was on a spaceship floating somewhere in outer space, but that's neither here nor there. 

The desire for companionship and family life was always in the back of my mind even as I embarked on a career path. I came dangerously close to falling into despair when I went through college and medical school without finding a husband. I wanted so desperately to share my life with someone and start building a family together. I would look at married women I knew or knew peripherally (especially on social media) and wonder how this came "so easily" to them. 

In a worldly sense, I had my life all figured out. I was a straight-A student heading down a lucrative career path. I was a woman of color going into a STEM field, "proving" all those (imaginary) naysayers wrong. I was raised in the 90's and saw the Mia Hamm/Michael Jordan Gatorade commercial countless times: "Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you!" The world told me I had to compete with men, outdo them, show them I had "girl power." The world told me, "You don't need a man to complete you. That way of thinking is patriarchal and backwards."

Marriage is a path to salvation, a high and holy calling. I think I instinctively felt this and was running towards this God-given desire for so many years, even during the times I despaired of ever finding a husband. I may not need a man to "complete" me, but I do need my husband for my salvation. And he needs me for his. Marriage is humbling and self-sacrificial. Marriage is martyrdom, dying to yourself again and again for the sake of your spouse and children. At its best, it's supposed to be an icon of the ultimate Bridegroom, Christ, and the way He loves His bride, the Church. 

I don't know why exactly, but the Christian culture I was raised in before joining the Church seemed to equate vocation and career. I've heard several people express that I was "called" to be a doctor or say things like, "It must be hard to leave your vocation behind." My career, whatever it ends up looking like, is not the same as my vocation as a married woman. If anything, my career should support my vocation, not the other way around.

I don't think I was "called" to be a doctor. As alluded to in another post, I made the choice to be a doctor for a variety of complicated reasons, but a distinct "call from God" was not one of them. I don't believe God prioritizes any one career path over another anymore, although I certainly did while growing up. Godly, prayerful work can come in all shapes and sizes, including the unpaid work of cooking dinner for your family, changing diapers, and folding laundry.