Disability, part 2

 

Photo by Matt Artz on Unsplash 

I want to be careful with my words when I talk about having a disability. The last thing I want to do is co-opt terminology or pretend that I understand the struggles of someone who was born with a disability; I certainly do not understand what they are going through. I've even struggled with whether or not I should use the word "disabled" when referring to myself, especially in light of this definition: 

"First, unlike illnesses that come and go, disabilities are often present from the beginning of life and are usually permanent." -- Summer Kinard, Of Such is the Kingdom: a Practical Theology of Disability, page 36 

What I'm experiencing now isn't the result of an illness, but rather (educated guess here) side effects of the treatments for my original illness, cancer. I don't know if what I'm experiencing now will be permanent or not; only time will tell. 

When I asked Cameron if he thinks I am disabled, this is what he said: "Your face is partially paralyzed. You can't walk correctly. You can't run. Half of your salivary glands don't work. You have a reconstructed jaw and it requires extra effort to chew. You have fatigue and fluctuating energy levels. You don't have the memory or attention span that you used to have." In other words, yes, you are disabled compared to your pre-2020 self. 

However, I can relate to another type of disability mentioned in this book: 

"...notable exceptions to the biblical pattern are Jacob, who became disabled as a result of wrestling with God, and the Apostle Paul, whose 'thorn in the flesh' was  given him along with Christ's words, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness' (2 Cor. 12:9)... Just as disabilities feed the disillusionment with the body that is a precursor to the virtues, so these heroes of the faith experienced pain in their bodies to remind them to rely on God. Disability was given as a gift and a sign to these men, in the same way that disability was removed from others in the healings in the Gospels." -- Summer Kinard, Of Such is the Kingdom: a Practical Theology of Disability, pages 40-41

My disability is a gift and a sign in my life (more on that to come). I can see God's hand in it. I have been humbled and I am thankful. I am still learning, and I am sure I still have more to learn, more to confess, more to repent.