Do you love me too?

Link to a song?

This poorly created image of
my own doing is what passed through my mind this morning during prayer (one of the many thoughts that distracted me during prayer). The words are from a popular meme based off the lyrics of an R&B song. (side note: I looked up the memes to see if I was using it correctly. Yeah, don't do that. Not appropriate stuff.)

But the image quickly turned from being slightly humorous to somewhat depressing. How true is that of so many married people? How true would it be of me if I were to marry soon? In a way, I think I'm a little happy about not meeting someone yet. I don't know if it is healthy to think of "working" on myself before I get married, but in a way I think that's a good thing.

Someone should not have to "accept me for me" if I am poisonous. The whole idea of someone accepting you the way you are seems at face value to be a lovely sentiment but is secretly lazy and narcissistic. Above all it is selfish. It presents us with this sub-conscious idea of being catered to. None of us would probably think of it that way but if as an Orthodox Christian I am to humbly join in mutual servant-hood, I should have humility and love and patience and kindness. These should not be things I am "working on."

Marriage is salvation and this really could be a marriage had instead of simply aspired to. I think it is good to have godly sorrow in knowing that a marriage could turn one into a saint but realizing that it isn't doing that because of our own selfishness. Just some thoughts. Forgive me, a sinner.

Saints Joachim and Anna, pray for us!