Crucify Me

Listen to the song here

There are Christians in my generation who think that if you sing a few songs with lots of feeling, the grace of God will come and change everything when the juggernauts of the past, St. Anthony the Great, St. Mary of Egypt, St. Seraphim of Sarov, spent years pursuing Christ before actually finding Him by getting over themselves.

Because that's the issue. There is an old prayer that goes, "Help me to conquer the world within me." The only reason we do not have Christ is because we are not humble.






For my part, that is why I do not have Christ. I've been trying to embrace a more realistic view of my seriousness about faith and God and religion. And to be honest, it's pretty half-hearted and lackadaisical. Everything is almost always on auto-pilot or if I decide it is too hard or I don't quite accept it as my belief, I dismiss it as not for me or my life.


simpler, terms, I am simply a lazy Christian. But we all are if we are honest, or at least most of us. Sure, we try but we have the utmost difficulty just being honest with ourselves about our devotion. Change takes a while. I'm not talking about habits or thoughts or words.

But being. How you fundamentally.

The world within you takes a lifetime to conquer.

And there is no magic Jesus pill or shortcut or really "spiritual" night of worship or prayer that's gonna turn the tide around for you. In Orthodoxy, suffering is and expected part of Christianity. It isn't a question of why we suffer but how do we suffer. How we move in the midst of our suffering is of far greater importance because we never get answers to the whys of suffering.

Iron suffers under the fire and hammer and clay is molded worked when it is pliable and vulnerable. Let us be the same and embrace the reality of ourselves. And without despair or self-deprecation. But with peace. "Endure the trial of yourself with peace."-Fr. Thomas Hopko