Contemplations on suffering.

"For in fact, we told you before when we were with you that we would suffer tribulation..." - 1 Thessalonians 2:4
In another place, St. Paul writes, "Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. (2 Timothy 3:12)" Does this mean public suffering from outside will come to all those who truly desire to practice what Christ has commanded? This is most certainly the case for our brothers and sisters around the world.

But it is less likely to be true for us. St. Nikolai of Ochrid teaches that there is no reason to especially seek martyrdom. In the Prologue, he teaches that the Christian life itself is a martyrdom if truly lived. Perhaps it is overlooked or understated, but suffering, true and real and painful and trying, comes to those who wish to live a godly life. St. John Chrysostom says, "You ought not to be troubled, for nothing strange, nothing contrary to expectation is happening. This was sufficient to raise them up (Homilies 2 and 3 on 1 Thessalonians 2 and 3)."

It is a strange thing, where he says the expectation of trial was enough to raise them up. I wonder what we think when we think of trial when we think of how we would truly desire to live and follow in the example of Christ, to achieve theosis. Do we understand the reality of what it means to endure without complaint, with a silent mind, with calloused hands from prayer ropes and hardened needs from prostrations, eyes swollen from tears, a love poured out for the world?

It is a love poured out for disobedient children, for those who also suffer in pain, a spouse in a trying marriage, the suffering of loss, the suffering of struggle in home and work life;  it is an ordinary love for the Christian. This is the ordinary martyrdom.

I think we must reflect on what St. John of Kronstadt has said, "Our life is child’s play, only not innocent, but sinful, because, with a strong mind, and with the knowledge of the purpose of our life, we neglect this purpose and occupy ourselves with frivolous, purposeless matters. And thus our life is childish, unpardonable play."

What it is more terrifying to me is to think that there comes a time where it can no longer be acceptable to view our spiritual lives as so individualistic, that what we do, our prayer life, our fasting, our deeds, they begin to have actual effect depending on whether or not we do them. They begin to turn trial and hardship into something else. They begin to make Christ real, an actuality. Perhaps this is the fear and trembling, to know that your soul is eternally bound to others, to know that it is a light that always casts out the darkness, and every time you give into that darkness, it spreads like a virus into others.

But let us not despair, for "he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6)." We indeed, in the midst of our sinfulness, must come to a place where the time for child's play must come to an end. It does not mean that we are to condemn ourselves for not being perfect, but rather mourning ourselves when we do not even strive for that beauty, we turn again and again and again in repentance.