Loving Others
A guy at church in response to his rambunctious kids that didn't still all morning told me to not rush having kids at young age. It was a half-joking statement because he obviously loves his children to death and he is also aware of the work of taking care of them.
I thought about the spirit of a person who truly isn't satisfied (more myself than the guy). What is the kind of person who wishes to go off and "do their own thing" for a while or perhaps as a way of life. I remember reading a teaching of an Orthodox nun, Mother Raphaela who said that regardless of our temperance, whether introvert or extrovert, we are called into communion with our fellow man.
I personally have found a difference between "recharging" and self-indulgence. If we would like to get away from people for a while and indulge in some of our favorite activities (video games, television, reading, sowing, etc) that is fine. But we present it as some sort of a false piety by saying these are times to "recharge" in order to love others better.
From the standpoint of the Christian we know that true love is birthed only out of communion with God. Speaking for myself, when I want to be alone, it is rarely out of a desire to pursue a deeper communion with God (something that would certainly prove far more refreshing and calming, though admittedly more difficult than my favorite acts of leisure).
This is perhaps why almost every saint in Orthodoxy either is a clergyman, nun, monk, or a married person, because these are covenant communions, not just us giving our word but a way that the Holy Spirit connects us to one another through the offices he has ordained for communion in his church.
The truth is, it is we are truly art at a loss by pursuing lower things. Community in its God-given forms are indeed a burden to bear. But it is so light when we willingly take it as the means of our salvation. After all, that is what we are always striving to attain, to be one with our God. And in the face of our complaints, it is God who utters, "my strength is made perfect in weakness."
Certainly, it adds to me not having the fulness of joy that is freely available for all who draw near. It may also be that I often confuse difficulty with burden.
Ultimately however, it is because I have not funneled all my passions into a single desire. I get pulled by every little thing I want throughout the day. Slowly however it is becoming clearer to me that I should be asking in everything, "How do I love God in this? How do I love my neighbor in this?" Any other question would be nothing short anarchy, self-ruled me.
This came at an odd time. I was just thinking about this as I was walking the dog.
ReplyDeleteDo you remember that post you made a while back about why you enjoy walking as opposed to driving, or other forms of transportation? I had revisited that thought during the walk, and I realized that, while driving over the past three-or-so months has been key to taking care of so much business in my life (making having a job possible, taking classes, etc.), it has also numbed my senses to the sensation of enjoying being "outside". There is hardly any godliness to be found in a daily commute to Kroger for groceries. Arguably, outside of the opportunity to pour my heart and soul into the people I serve at Little Caesars and the studies I attend with the goal of becoming a servant in the form of an EMT, there is little godliness to be found in that as well.
The question you asked at the end is exactly what I pray, to a heart-wrenching degree; I want to love my God, and thus, my God's people, creatures, and other creations. I see and understand your separation between "recharging" and self-indulgence as well, and I also recognize a situation that comes up with this difference. One question I ask myself is is there truly nothing to gain from me spending a little time by my lonesome, playing some games, reading, and watching goofy videos on Youtube? The hardest of restrictions would have me answer "yes, there is no gain" because the only person I am serving is myself; I am not representing my God or his creations, except by some vast stretch of the mind. Does this mean I am burdened to work, be in some sort of communion, or otherwise constantly strive for self-improvement for the sake of utilizing my skills and knowledge for the benefit of God's kingdom? I can't answer that honestly either way--I don't know. I don't know what God has called me to do--I can only be sure that He has an incredible burden of some sort for my shoulders, just like all of His other children. This is clear to me because of the burden placed upon Christ, or even his closest of followers; the price our savior paid was his blood, but the reward was our lives. For many of his disciples, their lives was also their ultimate price. They were called to give perhaps the greatest gift from God for the exchange of something. Perhaps they might have felt cheated, but ultimately, is that their decision to decide what they might receive for their service to our creator?
I suppose what I'm saying with this is that contentedness is less of an achievement and more of a state of being. I strive to serve my brothers and sisters through medicine--or, in the meantime, through making excellent-quality pizzas. This work is physically exhausting, but I try my best to overlook the work, the stress and work-related pain, and the relative lack of reward. The goal is to be a servant in some way, benefiting those around me with skills and services I can provide. Ultimately however, the end goal is much greater; I am called to work in God's name, not in man's. Colossians 3:23-24 is an example of this: "[23] Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, [24] since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." (NIV) Furthermore, I believe this verse brings up a good point about reward; it will be our inheritance. This, I believe, will not be material in this world; it will be our entrance into God's kingdom in the afterlife.
Stay strong, brother. As long as you strive and search to serve God in everything you do, like you have expressed your concern, I believe you will ultimately funnel in your passions towards that goal. Through that, perhaps, we will find contentment.