Nostalgia and Regret

An instrumental song called "Brand-new Lovesong," by the pillows is playing on Grooveshark in a "rainy days" playlist I made when I was bored.

It's a song from an anime (FLCL) I've only seen once. It has no ties to any specific happenings to my past and yet it is in a cluster of very few songs that physically make me sigh and reflect on things I've done, namely mistakes and fond memories.

They mingle together like wine and oil but never quite mix. One sobering and slipping and the other bringing a warmth in the chest and rosiness in the cheeks.

It can be dangerous. They both pull you back into something that no longer exists. The past isn't real anymore. Normally, this reality crashes violently and makes my life seem more mundane when compared with the imaginative past or a result of the culmination of mistakes from the compartments of regret, these drawers in my chest where I hide all my "memories."

I don't look to the future either. That also doesn't exist. Moment is what is real. Reflecting can be wonderful but what will bring my life into the beautiful gratitude it should have is to look around at what exists now. The air I'm breathing and the food I eat. Brand-new Lovesong by the pillows. Even while everything is the same it is also new.

Memory is to remind us that we are here now. It's the evidence of movement out of the static existence of soaking in a life in nostalgia and regret.