Lenten Reflections: Ask Yourself

St. Mary of Egypt (Clickforsong)

And you say that dreamers always get what they desire

Well I've found the more I want, the less I've got

Is this the life you've been waiting for?

Or are you hoping that you'll be where you want with a little more?

I love these lyrics. They speak to me something that I've constantly struggled with. If I live here, if I have this job, if I overcome this passion. But having the life that you want, even a sinless life (Philippians 3:6) is no way to grasp contentment or salvation.

It is a constant temptation to think that if I've gotten a little more of anything I will be fine. I can think of no better example of this than that of St. Mary of Egypt. She lived the life she wanted filled with everything she desired. In her youth, she fled from home and lived a loose and prodigal life. She was a very beautiful and seductive girl, always drinking and always sleeping around (so much so that men would often try to pay her, thinking she was a prostitute).

She came across a group of people on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem to celebrate the resurrection. She "earned" her keep among the young men to be fed and sheltered along the way. When they did eventually arrive at the church, Mary tried to enter and was unable, as if blocked by an invisible wall. After the 3rd try she walked of to the side and saw an icon of the Theotokos. She immediately became aware of sins and began to weep, pleading to Mary to lead her on the path of salvation. The Theotokos lead her out into the dessert where she wrestled with her desires in solitude for years, communing with God. In one of our hymns she would be known as the "bride of God."

When I think of what I want, even out of my faith, I think of Mary of Egypt. What is it that I want of Lent, out of life? Is it Christ? Is it salvation? Wherever I find myself is the path of salvation.