Lenten Reflections: Words Remain

St. Anthony the Great (ClickforSong)

When the holy Abba Anthony lived in the desert he was beset by 'accidie' - lethargy - , and attacked by many sinful thoughts. He said to God, 'Lord, I want to be saved, but these thoughts will not leave me alone. What shall I do in my affliction? How can I be saved?' A short while afterwards, when he got up to go out, Anthony saw a man like himself sitting at his work, getting up from his work to pray, then sitting down and plaiting a rope, then getting up again to pray. It was an angel of the Lord sent to correct and reassure him. He heard the angel saying to him, "Do this and you will be saved." At these words, Anthony was filled with joy and courage. He did this, and he was saved. (Sayings of The Desert Fathers)

It may be hard to comprehend a time when religion guided how we practice our culture instead of the other way around. It becomes easy to succumb to frustrations about the state of our faith, specifically how change in our own behavior doesn't come or possibly how God's presence isn't something we readily perceive. We want a fast food Christianity. And even when God does not give it to us, we find ways to "get" it ourselves. In ways similar to the pagan priests slashing their arms with knives to get their gods to burn sacrifices to show Elijah that his God was false (1 Kings 18:16-46), it is tempting to do the same, to claim these things as moves of the Holy Spirit.

I don't remember who said it, but I remember hearing a story of an evangelical worship leader who, after a show, was told by a woman that she really felt the Holy Spirit on the last song. The man replied, "That wasn't the Holy Spirit you were feeling. That was a key change."

Perhaps Abba Anthony felt this way as well out in the Desert alone. Overtaken by accidie (a heavy sense of purposelessness and slothfulness). He became disgruntled and wondered what he should be doing with himself. God sent him an angel to show him. But God did not send him anything new. The angel reassured him. Anthony had already been doing this work.

The word liturgy, literally means, "common work," or , "work of the people." So, even though we call the service of Sunday liturgy, really our lives should be just as liturgical. This a slow process. The idea of common work means doing the same things over time with change happening over that set of time. This is the importance of the church calendar, the ordering of ourselves to a way of theosis (union with God). 

Here is another story of the Desert Fathers: 

Early one morning before dawn, St. Isadore, abbot of the monastery, took Brother Moses to the roof and together they watched the first rays of the dawn come over the horizon. They stayed there until the new day had begun. Then Isidore said, "Only slowly do the rays of the sun drive away the night and usher in a new day and, thus, only slowly does one become a perfect contemplative." (Sayings of the Desert Fathers)

It is one thing to build up good habits and another thing to maintain faithfulness and obedience to that which is outside yourself. Perhaps this is where liturgy differs from insanity. The liturgical life is the life given to you by the church, the saints and your spiritual father (all through and by Christ). The life of insanity is the life you give to yourself (perhaps through reading and "discovering" yourself, it is nevertheless your construction of self.).

Regardless where we believe each comes from, our very lives bear the fruit of their source. Though it is not for us to state how we have changed. Similar to being in room with a weird smell so long that you don't even realize it, we too are so accustomed to ourselves that we often neglect to see how far we do fall short. We use times like Lent to contemplate the lives of the saints, commandments of scripture and the standard of Christ. In these ways we can began to see ourselves clearly.

Even though I haven't keep Lent perfectly, and there are still many passions I have to deal with, I trust that God is using it to save me. But it is a slow salvation. It happened. It is happening. It will happen.

This being if I stay faithful to it. Though I know that, "If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself." (2 Timothy 2:13) And I remember the classic prayer, "Save me whether I want it or not!"

Lord have mercy.