Peace With Others and Slow Theosis

There is a thing that is asked at the end of confession in the Orthodox Church. The priest asks:"As far as you know, are you at peace with everyone?" What a peculiar question to ask. There is a bit of defensiveness that I can feel rise up at times.

It's as if I say to myself, "I am, but they may not be at peace with me. But what I can I do about that?" There is often this shift in me to want to blame someone else. And it is frequently not that I am actually not at peace. It may have been a small thing, a minor annoyance, most likely it's something the other person doesn't even know about. But at that point at the end of confession, before my father-confessor prays to God for me, I have this last moment, to reconcile with my brother, to truly make amends and to put aside my religious facade.

St. Anthony The Great says, "Life and death is with our brother. If we have gained him, we have gained Christ." But, I inwardly protest, it is MY spiritual life, not there's. What do they have to do with my salvation? Everything, beloved. For the same St. Anthony has also said, "My brother is my salvation."

St Silouan taught that the measure of one's spiritual health is the growth in love for one's enemies. But I think we find it hard to love those who mean us no actual harm, let alone those who do. It seems to reveal more about us than the other person. There is no neat bow that we tie up and declare ourselves spiritually healthy. Theosis is a slow process, and in the middle of the process is this excruciating part of salvation, learning to love and to let go. We have to learn to reconcile and to be at peace with our loved ones, children, spouses, friends, acquaintances, neighbors. There is no union with God, without union with everything else.

For me, when the priest says this, when the sting comes up, it is often about something already confessed. The last questions, I feel, are like the acceptance of the antiseptic to the wounds that are our sins. We have confessed, now we must lay our sins down. It may be that we must go to our brother then and reconcile before finishing our confession. It may be that the only reconciliation that need occur is in the heart. But it is an opportunity offered every time we go. What a beautiful mystery.